Finally, I've done it very well. Yesterday was the day of writing. As I told you here I couldn't overcome my fears and challenges how to write something fascinating these days that eventually it happened yesterday and my hands were ruined. Having fed up with writing, made me really invigorated and delighted.

Started to collect some tiny and miscellaneous ideas were messed up in every cranny and nook, gathering them and trying to discover something relevant to diaspora and xenophobia of immigration issue, then begging setting up some characters and their dependent environments. Many of them should waffle around the Hudson river where is my heaven.
There's still a lot to write and to read and to clean and packing and organizing. - this sentence makes me laugh because reminds me of Joe's declaration for Monica and Chandler marriage that was contained a lot of receiving and sharing:) love him n miss a big time-
Anyway, yesterday started reading a book named - a thousand fears and dreams- is written with Atiq Rahimi, Afghan writer. The whole atmosphere of the book is sort of hallucination and delusion that makes me intense to keep going today along with my hesitation of turning off or on or going to emergency style of the cell phone that I learn yesterday which i was dogged and determined to finish my unfinished writing project. gotta go to write a review about a book " hallow frames"
By the way, picking some new words from language tree was launched. Yay picking and eating them with alacrity.

looking at the Dip book and wondering a wide variety of alternative topics that iv'e never heard of them. one of them was the dip where is a long depressing place that you can feel alive. The book doesn't notice that as an aliveness but regarding to yesterday's reading, i'm able to merge these two unrelated things together.

Jumpa said that lack of insight and experience about a topic makes you alive to be an avid one to discover more, so in this peregrination, you can find yourself again, exploring new aspects and sides of yourself as the most knotty and complicated galaxy. It's hard to attribute this feeling. The first step of facing and enjoying this mood would be embracing your shaming situation that is extremely tough.
The book also refutes the well- said quote" winners never quite, quitters never win." I should keep reading to gain the core of discussion.

Stop reading and watching close to my screen, trying to figuring out and absorbing what i have learnt today. About learnt and learned i have a vividly memory back to the first year of immigration. we had a big fight according to which one is correct? Finally we realized both of them were completely accurate, the one is used in British and the second in American language which is smoother and kinder if you ask me.

Anyway when i decided to add this part to this marvelous home, i was totally determined and dogged to write smt everyday, boosting up my self confidence and practicing in my second world.
To be honest with me, it was harder than i would though, so Iv'e never done it because i couldn't overcome my fears and lack of confidence to start. 
Today, reading Jumpa Lahiri's book" in another language" makes my day and inspired me to do it even with ample of mistakes and weakness. No matter it's not fascinating and engaging, i can keep writing and making love with words.
she wrote the book in Italian from scratch however i can't understand her enthusiasm to learn diligently another unrelated language, i admire her passion.
Everything started from summing up simple and pure To-do-lists and ordinary diary probably full of boos and misapprehensions but never mind. who cares? Do it if it's killing you. Maybe the other day your curiosity will stop and you will be relief. I'm not pretty sure but i'm just telling and writing to warm up my hands are walking on unknown Keyboards after a while, so i'm continuing to alleviate my scary moods. It will work. I'ts not the first time i got nervous about writing. I know how to deal with it. Having to write as much as i can, then words accidentally in an aha moment which is a sublime time, will show me the other hidden face that i can easily fall in love with, so i have to be waited and patient to attain the rays of sunlight through words are glued to clouds.
started today with Morshed and margarita that is nice but not too much attractive. I pulled between it and Franny and zoei. eventually, farny won but i wanted to read it first, so i'm now,in the middle of the book, the professor's black cat began speaking. The process of killing and murdering authors reminds me of Iranian writers institute. Both Rassion dictatorial years and still iranian have the same journey and the familiar concept. 
The second reading part of morning was cogitating on short story. The one was "unfinished story" written by Bijan najdi, a well- known Gilanian writer. I enjoyed a lot to read a simple and deep story which has a pure scene of veterinary surgeon to the end of a dying relationship between a couple who live together physically but far away mentally base on their different lifestyles. 
The woman is a housekeeper and seeing around to get an interesting news from neighbors otherwise the man is coming back from a melancholy happening that arrived a died cow. They are living extremely far in a long distance globes. we can grasp this by digging into only two paragraphs that Najdy explained very well.
The second one suddenly happened to me when i was strolling Instagram, Najme my new old philosopher friend told me that she was just ended a story from Jumpa named" hell, Heaven".
 without any hesitation, started to read, the coolest part was iv'e known its translator that was one of my new friends named Amin.
Anyway, i started and couldn't put it down until the end. was amazing like always but the last part was a little bit sentimental, overall was really awesome and inspiring. The most important thing that makes me surprised to read jumpa each time is that how vigilant and observant she is to watch many intricate details of life.
In my point of view, that's why she was born and raised in a different culture with a parent who were stick to their world played the key role because sh has the opportunity to separate either her language as a whole world of living, i mean English and her parent world as the first thing she confronted in her life.
To recapitulate, she simply could detach herself from both worlds, staying up and observing again like a God.
These days,she chooses Italian language to regain herself as a writer. It's not impossible but harder than any types of imagination.
her choice is kind of cool but luxurious thing. Any American iv'e ever seen were fond of french or Italy. why any of them does not like to learn Farsi or Arabic? Because those languages are not fancy enough to swim inside.
Then i start reading funny in Persian written by Firooze Jazayeri duma. As always her book makes me laugh loudly and crazy to finish it at once but i avoid this and control myself to read it tomorrow.

Today is Halloween and the last hours of weekend. As always it's not fascinating, completely gloomy and full of sorrow and griefs, easily reminds me the horrible hidden memories of those Fridays afternoon in Iran.I totally despise both of these dying hours of weekend that makes me numb to be an efficient.

These days we are inveterate watching Narcos because of fuggy weather we stayed at home entire 2 days, watched only Narcos, full of exciting moments forces me to stand up and keep watching. 

Today i started reading brain picking online website which is about books and reviews plus some selected sentences of each.I'm fond of reading this sophisticating stuff. On the other hand i should try to learn more about how to be a creative writer and improving those skills by cogitating on a wide variety of different short stories,for instance humans of New York stories would be helpful and conductive.

Yesterday i talked to her who was an English writer and told me some painful truths i have already known but she focus on those diligently.No matter she told me i have to do it on my own and i guess iv'e done the first step very well, not too much well but it's ok and bearable. That was a story about how i'm trying to deal with new situation in new culture of language which is not my mother tongue.

wanna share it here to be remembered. Not a whole story but the coolest part when i was trying to write it down made me lost in alternative thoughts and previous experiences. Let's get started.

When I selected human studies as my major in high-school, my family and friends’ reaction was not interesting; they said: “you are an idiot. Only idiots and people without any aptitude go to human studies.” In parties their question was “which one is your major, math or medical?” Art and human studies were not even a legitimate choice. But I was in passionate love with history, and its stories, with literature, and it myths, with philosophy, and its different worlds.

This question was upsetting then and now. Years have passed from my high school, I am 29 years old who honored her Bachelor’s and Masters of Arts degrees from the best university in my country, but still I get the same frustrating question in another cloth: “What do you do? Do you go to university or a job?” My former answer “I am a writer” usually gets “That’s cool, but what is your job?” Obviously, being a writer who reads and writes diligently ten hours a day doesn’t count as a job. To them, a job is something that you do in an office, sitting from 9:00am to 5:00pm, with the pressure of an undesirable boss, which gives you a fat paycheck every other week, so I stopped saying that altogether.

I remember a sentence from history of literature classes in high school: “The word is the Verb, and the Verb is God." - Victor Hugo quotes. At the time I couldn’t understand what does it mean but during BA in philosophy studies from Tehran University I learned philosophical universes through words. Then other aspects of words were appeared when I honored my MA in Cinema studies as a scriptwriter. The miracle of words continued when I wrote my two published books, and made my documentary about mothers and children relationship.

I immigrated with my husband who at the time was working toward his Ph.D. dissertation in engineering. As a result, I joined the rich, highly educated, and mathematically minded Iranian community. In their opinion, more money and more zeros in your paycheck mean more valuable human being. Their God is zero. 

I could not contain my passion about creative writing. I joined online creative writing courses on Coursera and EDX and attended authors’ talks of NYC public library and MOMA museum and Columbia University.

During my immigration years, I published two books in my native language, Farsi. One of them is a collection of short stories and the other one is a long story about a single mother in war between Iran and Iraq. Currently, I am working on two projects. The first one will be a collection of stories of Iranian immigrant writers in diaspora, and the second project is a collection of Iranian female authors about war and peace.The most respectable people in my world are people who have faith in power of words and stories.